She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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