The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
