Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
