btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
