Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
