Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
