it was like his penis was on wheels.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
