I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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