I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
