Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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