conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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