theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's official drugs can't kill me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
