Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
