Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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