I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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