Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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