so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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