literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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