Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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