I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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