I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
