oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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