Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
