I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
