Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
