I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
