great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
