A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my poor anus
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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