I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
