You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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