And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
