I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my shit smells like andre
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
