We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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