i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
