Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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