I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
