I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
