If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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