I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
