I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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