there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
