It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We left the knife in your bed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
