She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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