are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
