I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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