Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
