i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
