Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
