I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
