the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you had me at cake vodka
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
