im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
