I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
