the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
