remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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