Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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