I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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