Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
