the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
